또 귤을 씹는데 이빨이 귤의 살로 파고들어가 귤의 눈물이 흘러나와 눈물이 되다만 내 침과 섞이는것같다. 마음이 흉흉하다. 그래서, 슬픈것과 연상이 되는 것들과 슬픈것과 상관이 없는것과 무작위로 연결시키며 카드섞듯 포맷하기.
바르트는 가우디움과 래티시아에 대해 말했는데 가우디움은 '현재 어떤 것을 소유하고 있거나 장차 소유할 것이 확실시될 때, 영혼이 느끼는 즐거움' 이고 래티시아는 '보다 경쾌한 즐거움으로 우리 마음속에 즐거움이 지배적인 상태'라고.
즐거운 상황 와중에도 근미래의 검은상황이 투명하게 비쳐보이고 즐거움이 헤어지자마자 증발해 소유 불가능한게, 구슬처럼 테이블 한가운데에 떠서 비추고 있을때가 있다.혼자가되면 갑자기 무거워지고 입술끝이 쳐지게된다.
내년이 나에게는 길고 누구에게는 짧고 빨리 가버리길. 씩씩하게 다녀와라.
Ʈ ּ :
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그래! 푸로니 말이 맞다!
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웅? 어제 집에 오니까 기분이 너무 이상했어. 언니 감기좀 나았어? 연초엔 좀 쉬구 아프지마~~~
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